Spinning: John Mayer - 83

Maths test tomorrow. I need to break away from tearing my hair out. I don't understand A level Binomial Theorem. Struggling with the more challenging Arithmetic Progression questions. I'm simply not cut out for Math and Science. Others need only study a little to pass. I study like crazy just to get that pass mark. What justice is there?!?! Maybe my choice of being in Arts fac was right. At least I cut down on hair loss.

From what I've gathered, TJ has been holding way more tests than VJ has. The trade-off is that VJ has more topics tested at one go. I've had 5 tests so far... in 2 months. But if you ask me, I still think the number is less than in secondary school. Again there is a trade-off, lah. Secondary school topics are easier.

I think God wants to tell me something. I remember when I first entered JC, I felt so damn weird. It was like everyone suddenly was in a relationship within 2 or 3 days of JC. I was like, "HUH?! How the hell do you start a relationship with someone you hardly know?" Honestly, I can't comprehend lah. In that case does it mean you're in love with the way the person looks? I was quite pissed with the shallowness, the superficiality of it all. I don't understand it. I really don't. The thing is, that question always remained in my mind - Do looks really, really matter in a relationship? I'm talking about next time in life when we're all working adults... when your better half's looks wilt away as he/she grows older, will you still love her as much as you did when you first started dating her? There are cases where love grows. But ask around. ITS FREAKING RARE.

I said God wanted to tell me something, because more than once, the message: "How beautiful you are depends on how you really are in terms of character and attitude" just presented itself to me. 1- through a TV show. 2- through someone else's blog, and 3- the most obvious message, was through last week's sermon. Guess I have an answer now. I take it as a lesson learnt.

I feel damn weird talking about this. But I felt compelled to write about this. Dunno why again.
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Spinning: Vertical Horizon - You're a God

I'm stuck in a rut. I don't know what I'm doing now in my life is right or not.

1. I don't know which JC I should go to after the 3 months. IF I make the cut that is.
2. I don't know whether it's right to be in the Arts fac or not.

Gah... decisions, decisions. Do you know how much I don't like to make decisions? You'd probably pelt me with rotten egg shells and scream that I have the privilege of choosing my own course and yet I don't appreciate it, but look, I'm trying so hard to be practical and mature so that I make the right choice, and it's certainly not easy. 'O' Level results are coming out really soon and it's freaking me out. There are a dozen rumours out there flying around, and I actually believed some. I don't know what's true and what's not, so I guess I'm not going to believe in any rumours any more. When the day comes, I'm sure I'll feel really nervous... don't even know if I will have the guts to open up my results and look at it or not. Good luck, you guys.

Right now I'm kind of drowning in my homework. I recently told someone in my class that 'JC stress is really unfounded'. Thing is, it's good to pressure yourself sometimes as long as it's not excessive, but if you overly stress yourself, you're gonna end up in a mental institute. It's just a waste. So those who are about to go nuts, please, do some damage control okay... i'm not saying you should start slacking, it's just that we should really control ourselves... knowing when to mug and when to relax a little.

I dunno.. just wanted to say this.


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Ah..I forgot to mention...

Keane's song, "Your Eyes Open" is a fantastic song. Haunting, but very much pleasing to the ear.
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I sound really nasty in the previous post, but I make no apologies for it. It's just that I'm so damn pissed by these pompous, pretentious people, and I happen to have an opinion on them. I don't like pretentious people. I can't emphasize that more. I happened to meet my elder cousin at a little family dinner yesterday night. Full of pretence as usual. Kept showing off her daughters achievements as "morning-tress"(sic) which, I presume, really means Monitress. And how her older daughter was jealous of her younger sister.

I have an older sis. And, I don't remember my sis being jealous of me, or vice versa. We do have sibling rivalry of course, but not in the form of jealousy of achievements. We all know, or rather, were taught, that each of us have our own unique set of talents. It may be hard to believe, but really, we were never jealous of each other's achievements. We saw it as a incentive to do better in that particular field, but never as a threat. That, FYI, has got to do with the way our parents bring us up. I'll leave the rest of this issue for you to ponder on.

I chatted with Cheryl today, and well, the topic of JC life came up yet again. I guess it's a raw topic, that's why we've got so much to say about it. After awhile when JC life becomes your run-of-the-mill kinda life, I suppose we won't find as much to talk about it already. She suddenly lamented that the SJ peeps have been drifting apart sooner than she'd imagine. At first I thought, "Huh? Really?" But later on I realised there IS some truth to what she said. Our Yahoo! Groups ain't that active already, and let's just say we've not met each other for a long time. It doesn't matter if you're in the same JC or not, as long as you're in different classes, you'd probably drift apart, 'cos the schedules in JC are really, really different. I should've seen it coming I guess... all those talk about staying together are now being put to the test. That's why I decided to get the SJ peeps to meet every 3rd Saturday of the month, as suggested by my CG rep. Don't know if the plan will follow through, but I'm doing what I can.

Later on Cheryl suddenly asked me, "Do you think any of us has changed?" I was kinda stumped by the question, guess I never really thought about it -- or maybe it's 'cos we don't meet as often and I don't see any glaring changes in my squadmates. I told her I don't know, but what I knew was that I didn't change -- not much at least. I'm still very much the old me. I guess it all boils down to how easily you're influenced. You're either easily influenced, influence easily, or neutral. You guys know how we tend to 'go with the flow' when it's just orientation. No one knows each other, we just want to get acquainted. I'm still finding my way around. I've been told JC friends aren't friends for life. I'm going to let that fact unfold itself before me prior to jumping to any conclusions. I've also been told that secondary school mates are friends for life. No idea if there's any truth to that, but I'm going to let that slide. I'm going to nod and gush enthusiastically, "Yeah, Yeah THAT IS TRUE!". Perhaps it's cos I always believed in that...

Anyway, Cheryl told me she changed. If you're reading this Cheryl, I can't see any glaring changes in you, but whatever it is, remember to stay grounded. Heh. I sound so freaking philosophical.

So, whatcha guys think eh... have YOU changed?




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I'm a slacker. And I hate it. I hate it when I tell myself to do so-and-so assignment by today, but return home and find myself falling asleep at the study table, or simply falling into the bottomless abyss of the computer gaming world. I'm not addicted, yet I seem to find excuses for myself to NOT do my homework. I am a self-confessed procastinator, and it's probably why I didn't do well at all. Since the beginning of secondary school.

Have you ever felt like you're being looked upon with those disdainful eyes? They bore into you like drills... so much scorn involved, so much dislike. Most of my relatives aren't like that, but yeah, you guessed it, there will at least be one relative whom you really despise. It's a she, a very much older cousin who doesn't know the meaning of humility. She hasn't found any chance to humiliate me yet, but I'm quite sure she will if I ever fall short of the entire extended family's expectation (i.e. to get into what they call the 'prestigious' Junior Colleges).

Every time I visit my auntie (her mum), she never fails to disgust me. No matter whose house it is, her hands start to itch horribly. She can't keep them to herself, so what does she do? She starts arranging things in new ways. I CAN'T STAND LOOKING AT HER DOING THAT! It's really rude to do all that arranging in someone else's house. She's worse than a kid... And? She has no sense of shame. The other time I went to her house, I remembered my twin male cousins requested for her to switch on the air-conditioning. She gave them an exasperated look and said, "Don't waste money! It's cool enough!" When actually, every one of us was sweltering. I could see the make up on her face melting and falling off in chunks already. Not hot? Whoa. She must have a fetish for having melting make up. That's not the worst thing. She came into my house, and immediately bossed me around. "Turn the air-conditioning on... please." That really made me fume with anger. But what could I do? She is after all, an elder. -_-"

Her hobby must be bossing people around. She just loves to boss ME around. Oh, and my sister as well. She for some reason doesn't dare do it to my brother. Perhaps it's a gender thing. The most horrifying thing is that she's passed her values and traits to her daughters. The older one, especially.

More on her later. My sister's ranting about ME using her computer that she paid for. Maybe i should just uninstall The Sims 2 from her computer. Since I PAID FOR IT.
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I wish I could think of a better title, but nope, nothing interesting came into my brain. 'Chu Xi' - aka New Year's Eve is today. Had my reunion dinner at my 3rd Uncle's house. Coincidentally, my 3rd uncle was playing the Bee Gee's tour DVD, and it was quite significant to me. The Bee Gees were my Dad's favourite... he would always sing (albeit unsuccessfully) to the tune of the Bee Gees while driving me to and fro places. Somehow the tunes have stuck with me. So certain songs -- I realised I could identify them. Yeah ...

My ma's over at Kuala Lumpur now, so it's now just my bro, sis and me at home. Very boring. Especially when your siblings are like older than you by 7, 10 years. They'd have their own programmes... and thus here I am, rotting away in front of the screen and moping about not spending my cny eve in a more happening way. Sheesh. I got my ang baos though, so that kinda shut me up :)

Before the reunion dinner, I went back to dhs. Saw many many teachers I knew, but only talked to Ms Fang, because most of them were having lessons. I had a strange feeling that we weren't really welcome. (Quite irritating actually, to have a large crowd pacing the corridors) So I just spoke to Ms Fang alone... didn't really dare to disturb the rest. The funniest thing was that we bumped into Mr. Kiw (twice) -- he was giving that weird look, and then as realization dawned upon him that we were his ex-students, he critiqued our appearance. His standards of a proper appearance are known to be very high, so I guess I wasn't really bothered by what he said. After all, I knew I wasn't going too far. At least I still looked like I was practising self discipline -- My skirt wasn't short, I wasn't wearing ankle socks, My shirt was tucked in (not all the way, but nonetheless it wasn't hanging out) -- so I didn't let him bother me :)

Saw many people... and I kind of felt... for the first time in these few months, at ease. Guess I have to tide over these 2 years, finish my A levels, and scram to a local U... I'll feel much better after these 2 years. It's not that I hate my JC (I don't.), it's because the workload is quite suffocating.

Till then. See what else I can do other than mope.
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Those who use Blogger.com for their blogs, shame on you if you don't know about the 2005 bloggies (it's just another name for 'blog of THE year', blur one.) I just checked it out. The nominees for the various categories have already been whittled down to a mere... 5 finalists, thus giving you the luxury of choosing the better ones to read. I was especially fascinated by the 'Asian' category, being Asian myself. I'm quite pleased to announce that 2 out of the 5 blogs there are Singaporean. Am I mad to be happy over such an occurance? NO. (it is a rhetorical question, blur one.)

Now to sleep.
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Well, yeah. I'm trying to convince myself of the above statement. See, what I'm trying to do here -- sing while playing the guitar. Don't laugh okay. It's not easy. Go on, try it yourself, you'll realise you sound really moronic. You either sing well and play like crap, or you play well and sound like you're ad libbing your way through. Anyway, why am I tolerating the idea of sounding like a moron while trying to accomplish this? 'Cos it's simply necessary. And if you can strum and sing at the same time -- that's just great lah. Then I can annoy my mother. :)

V- day or Friendship day is coming (14th Feb, you hermit.) And apparently guitar club which I am in is organizing this song dedication thing. Where the members go around during school hours playing the guitar and singing. Chose 5 songs - 3 chinese, 2 English. Can't be bothered to list them out... my favourite though would be 'Kiss Me' - Sixpence None the Richer.

My new guitar just arrived at school today... will be bringing it home on Friday. Why the need for a new guitar? Simple. My ancient guitar has finally decided to give up on me. The stupid bridge was ripped off. Non-human act, by the way. It just gave way like that. Looking forward to my new guitar... shall give it a name or something :)

I'm crazy. But you're crazy also. You would have your own... well, little obsessions. If not, you're truly abnormal.

Yup, CNY carnival on Friday... I would say it's quite uneventful for me. Spent 3 bucks on nothing but food, then decided I had enough. Then by chance (no one told me) I met Miss Fang. Yes, my Math teacher. I thought I had lots of things to tell her (thank you blah blah. blah bllah.) but when I saw her I was dumbfounded. Not prepared I guess, for her sudden appearance. She always manages to surprise me. So tomorrow, we're gonna go back there and visit her once again. Heard from my various sources that she's going to rush off. At 10. Being the festive kind of person that she is. She will.

Till then, there's nothing much to blog about lah. Nothing that I was cynical about today... so tata. Be back during CNY blogging about the ang baos I received. Heh heh.
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To all biology students -- does ethnicity, specifically a hybrid of 2 or more ethnicities cause a difference in the human gene structure? I'm not a biology student, so naturally I wouldn't know. It's not that I'm suddenly becoming a Science-y person, I just want to confirm my thesis: that most people of mixed-blood heritage are more good looking than normal. Is that true? Heh. Know why I suddenly formulated this thesis? Because I suddenly realized that celebs like Keanu Reeves, Utt etc etc are of mixed blood. They seem to enjoy the best of both worlds. Take Reeves as an example. He has chiselled good looks, and yet his eyes are visibly that of an Asian gene structure. Ditto for his lips. They may not be astonishingly handsome, but still they have this uniqueness in them, which ensures fangirls' continual swooning and drooling combined. Ya. Someone answer me.

Anyway, I had this Econs Lecture Test today. Needless to say I screwed up pretty bad. I was stumped by the question, though I have this nagging feeling that it's supposed to be quite easy. Just couldn't remember what I memorized, and kept repeating the same facts. Over and over. Until I had a satisfying amount of content (actually, they were all rubbish) I stopped. Prior to the test... the previous day we had an Econs lecture. Ok. What's so special about it? The stupid air conditioning broke down. I think I was especially sensitive to it. The smell in the Lecture Theatre - I was the first to smell and identify it among my friends. This time around, the ridiculously hot atmosphere, -- it was again me who complained about it. hehe. Through the lecture I was feeling darn hot lah, and I was falling asleep because of the humidity. Then those people at the sides, presumably the more 'havoc' ones, began to take their Econs notes and fan themselves using the notes. It was quite rebellious la, you could see the entire Lecture Theatre doing it. Quite rude, but nonetheless the whole world was sweating already. When one brave soul finally voiced it out to the lecturer, she brushed it off -but that's not the main point. The main thing was that she mentioned this pathetic guy who wrote to the forum criticsizing the decision to install air-conditioning in lecture theatres in schools around Singapore. I'm fed up with the guy, not the lecturer. I seek to imagine that he's merely a nameless disgruntled taxpayer who's wondering why on earth he's paying for the air-conditioning that is not blowing at him. If he's reading this, let me enlighten him on why schools even bother to install air conditioning in lecture theatres , or classrooms. I would like to imagine this guy's not schooling any more, otherwise he wouldn't have complained about this issue. Ok. Picture this> you're sitting in a sauna. And you're supposed to be attending a lecture there. You have a choice of either a) Listening to the lecturer or b) Relaxing and Dozing off . Given the heat and the discomfort. It would be virtually impossible to actually LISTEN and CONCENTRATE. I hope he sees now -- that he likens the lecture theatre to the sauna. Good results depend largely on what you take in during lessons. If you fall asleep due to the lack of comfortable conditions and thus miss out on lectures... tell me lah, can you still get good results?! So I implore Mr. Nameless Disgruntled Taxpayer, put yourself in a student's shoes for once, and please empathize with our situation. I guess I haven't mentioned before eh> I cannot stand people who critique the students of today without any solid basis. Neither can I stand people (sales attendants, to be precise) who see students as suspicious little brats who are out to steal and wreak havoc. In case they didn't know, there is more than one type of student. There was once I went to Parkway Parade, and a certain shop (i'll not mention its name, for good measure) sales attendant cast her evil eye upon us as we students, clad in uniform of course, strolled in to take a look at some stuff. And so being really wary of SUCH people, I noticed it. I got really pissed off. At first I'd wanted to buy something, but since the sales attendant thinks we're incapable of buying and would steal, then I'd rather not give the shop business.

Gotta go... my eyes are literally closing. Shall blog on the following the next time I return.

• TJC CNY carnival
• Guitar events
• How my guitar broke
• JC life again

Yeah. See you guys around someday.

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It's a new blog, but I'm not new to the blogging scene. In fact, if you've been reading about my misadventures with various systematic disorders, then you'll have come to this corner of the web from my ex-personal website. Yes, my very own personal website which was so tragically closed down. By me, of course. Why? I came to find it more of a nuisance than something which I would be proud of. Initially, the latter was true. As time went by and I realized I've been really talking to a wall, and sounding rather moronic whilst doing so, I began to dread having to update, update and update. There's no incentive to update, you get what I mean? Ah, "SELF SATISFACTION!" you cry. But what satisfaction is there in talking to a wall? Ok. The main point? There was a trickle- yes, I really mean a trickle - of traffic each day. Or week. The whole damn place was DEAD. I'm telling you, every part of the web should be alive. If not, just delete the site - it's taking up webspace. So the decision of mine to move to a blog service, which, by the way, is tonnes more convenient than D-I-Y ones like I had previously, was not a painless one. There was some reluctance and hesitance as I typed my last message there. "Goodness," you say, "this woman's mad -- she's feeling hurt over a few bytes lost." You won't understand. After you so painfully typed all the tags, and designed logos for your OWN site, you come to realize the best decision to make after awhile is to delete it. You tell me how painful is that. Before I start on a history of my website, why don't you just go visit it?

So here I am, on a new plot of cyberspace-land. What's the difference? Tonnes. At least I don't have to type so much html using this. At least ... (i think) it's more accessible to more readers.

Anyway. Back to the normal nonsense. JC life has been quite kind to me so far. I say quite, because there's still a sizeable amount of tutorials and projects that are being piled onto us. The most demanding would probably be Math. The lecturers are really quite fast with Maths... we just had our first lecture test and I am serious about this: I am going to fail my first ever test in a junior college! The rest -- still manageable. Ok. Maybe I'm struggling with Maths because I am the ever-famous MATHS IDIOT. You, trust me, wouldn't want to be my Maths teacher. I give my Maths teachers nightmares. Just ask Ms. Fang from my secondary school. She'll nod her head away. See those eye bags under her eyes? They were caused by me. Yes, me. Single-handedly. Yarh. I'm exaggerating.

I'm pretty sure later on in my JC life, I'm going to meet more what I term as systematic disorders. Maybe I should start naming them eh? Then I can classify them and talk about them here. Rubbish -- I know. Let me, then, start bitching about certain moronic people who have had the great honour of pissing me off this year. Some are just plain bimbos. They've really got no brains. They sashay in front of me. They cause me to gag. They flick their hair into my face. They cause me to wrinkle my nose. They shake their butt. They cause me to wonder why their butt muscles never tire. But what kinds are worse than bimbos? Desparados. For love, that is. I don't like it when I see people throwing themselves at the opposite sex. It just disgraces their own kind. I'd rather be an alien than a female if another female was throwing herself at another male.

I'm going to end here. I have an Econs test on Friday. I'll just be fried if I don't study now. More on the people who cause me to want to be an alien next time. Adios.

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