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date/time Saturday, December 27, 2008,4:35 AM
Ack!
Ack, ack ack ack ack ack. The exchange is a little more than 2 weeks away and I actually don't really feel prepared for it. Of course I'm excited about it, but being prepared and being excited are 2 different states of minds... About a year ago when I applied for the exchange, (yes, you need to apply that much earlier in advance.) I really wanted to go to Sweden, but I felt that if I were to go at the point of application, I wouldn't be ready to live alone for 6 months in a foreign country on the other side of the world. It's not because I'd be homesick 'cos I rarely do get homesick; it's just that I felt I wouldn't be able to deal with all the administrative crap that I'd have to do and to cook (oh now that's a big issue...!), and basically just to take care of myself and not get myself into any sort of crap during the 6 months that I'm there. I applied anyway because I figured that a year later, I'd be older, wiser, more mature, more independent, the works. Guess what? Fast forward a year, and I still feel that I'm not ready. It's now that I realize that being or feeling prepared is merely a state of mind. 1 year of staying within your own comfort zone isn't going to change things and magically make you feel 'ready'. But you know what? Heck it. I'm going to Sweden, that's a reality (provided I get my visa in time, argh.) and I'm going headfirst into this thing, I'm slightly scared yet I'm tremendously excited about venturing out of my comfort zone, but I'm just gonna do it and make the most out of these 6 months. 6 months may seem really long on paper, but it passes really fast actually. There I've just rambled on and on about my heartfelt feelings towards this thing. You know the feeling? Like a mish mash of (a little bit, a pinch of..) fear and excitement you can't contain because it feels ready to burst out of your heart and soul. Yes that's how it feels.
...But I haven't packed. Oh crap.
Labels: exchange, musings, personal, sweden, travel
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date/time Monday, December 22, 2008,3:13 AM
Because I'm Supposed to be Sleeping...
...but I can't. So here goes, because Elke tagged. Once you've been tagged you have to write a note with 16 random things, shortcomings, facts, habits or goals about you. At the end choose 16 people to be tagged, listing their names and why you chose them. You have to tag the person who tagged you. - I'm flying away soon! To Sweden, that is. Heh. The departure date is coming quicker than I've imagined and I'm totally not prepared because I can't cook a decent meal yet (and no, eating instant noodles everyday is not a solution!) and I haven't finished shopping for winter wear.
- I'm an old soul. In the words of the Beach Boys (gasp!), "I guess I just wasn't made for these times...". Bah I think people who know me well should know that already. *shrug*
- I can roll my tongue into the shape of a flower, and wiggle my ears. I freak people out all the time with the former =) It's a gift!
- I really, really love tea, especially tea with milk, and I think I am slightly addicted; but I am trying to stop drinking so much because it's staining my teeth - so my dentist said.
- I'm pretty much an introvert. "Small talk" isn't something I enjoy and if you see me talking a lot, it's usually to close friends. If I'm quiet, it's not that I'm angry or sad. Heh, I say this because a lot of people ask me if I am pissed/upset when I'm actually just feeling okay. It's innate! Its just the way it is!
- With reference to 'Britney-Fan' Elke's point #11, I used to be an S Club 7 Fan; my first ever music CD was an S Club 7 one, and I collected posters of them. So yeah, everyone has had their embarrassing phases.
- I really, really enjoy music. Both listening and creating =). I love to play the guitar.
- I have a scar on my lower lip because an accident happened when I was 8. Let's just say someone cut my lip with a pair of very sharp scissors and I almost lost a significant part of my lower lip! A plastic surgeon stitched back the affected part. Eww, gross I know. Just in case you saw it and were wondering how it came about. =)
- I have three dogs. In black, brown, and white. Heh. I love dogs but I also love cats. You know how people like to categorize other people into 'dog-people' and 'cat-people'? Well I think it's possible to be both a dog person and a cat person all at once. I love dogs because they're friendly, and they show you so much love unconditionally (well except maybe the food). I love cats because they're intelligent, independent, and aloof.
- As a child, I was quite a tomboy. Still have a bit of that in me. I grew up with male cousins and played soccer with them instead of playing with barbie dolls.
- I love vintage paraphernalia.
- I love leather and denim and velvet.
- I secretly love fantasy themed novels, movies, comics, characters. I love elves. There's something about their pointy-ears. And their names are so... sexy. What's not to like?
- I'm quite a klutz. And this only developed recently. I'm not as dextrous as I'd like to be.
- I have a quick temper, but I also get over my fits of anger very quickly. I get over my fits in about 2-3 minutes.
- I've picked up reading again, and I love what reading a book can do to my perspectives on life.
Okay, that was pretty hard! Now I get to choose! hehehehe. 1. Elke (cos I read the instructions) 2. Xiao Ting 3. Zhu 4. Mabs 5. Cheryl Cai Oh gosh. None of my other friends blog! Labels: memes, random thoughts
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date/time Friday, December 19, 2008,12:42 AM
Between
You're there
(insert infinite space)
I'm here
We're worlds apart; but that's fine by me, as long as you're comfortable in your world, and I'm comfortable in mine.
Terrible, right. I don't know why when I start blogging, I can't stop. But when I stop blogging, I go into hibernation. Labels: musings, random thoughts
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date/time 12:02 AM
Booklist!
I've got a book wishlist here; will probably get them and bring them along to Sweden to read whilst transiting between places! - Paulo Coelho's The Alchemist
- Neil Gaiman's Sandman
- JD Salinger's The Catcher in the Rye
- Stephen Chbosky The Perks of Being a Wallflower
Anyone heard anything of these books? Anything I should avoid/must read? Labels: books
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date/time Wednesday, December 17, 2008,3:12 AM
About Madness and Mayhem
These days, I prefer to think twice before sharing any of my insecurities or problems with other people. People actually judge instead of listen, and the things they say in response actually hurt. So I think it's better to let it circulate a bit in my mind, then jot it down in a private journal somewhere for the purpose of venting. Not even in a blog because quite obviously a blog is not private.
Just when I think I can show a little vulnerability to another, and trust that person with the hope that he/she does not judge/write my problems off and deem them miniscule, the door gets slammed right in front of my face.
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I'm reading a book called Veronika Decides to Die written by Paulo Coelho right now. In between all the craptastic paperwork for exchange (which is almost done, thank God!), and general running around, this book helps me chill out a bit. I'm not going to write a synopsis for the book because there are bound to be better versions floating around on the net anyway, but I want to share a snippet which has been really thought provoking.
#1 '... Madness is the inability to communicate your ideas. It's as if you were in a foreign country, able to see and understand everything that's going on around you, but incapable of explaining what you need to know or of being helped, because you don't understand the language they speak there.'
'We've all felt that.'
'And all of us, one way or another, are mad.' Labels: books, musings, personal
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date/time Tuesday, December 02, 2008,10:03 PM
...It's Over!!!
And so the adventure begins... then again, maybe not. Heh. Post exam enjoyment to me is just revelling in the simple things we don't get to do when we're buried in loads of work. I sort of take those things for granted when I'm not busy, then when exam period rolls around, every single moment spent doing something I like/something relaxing is cherished like no other. Simple things like taking the time to read newspapers from front to back, heh.
Apart from all the minor errands to run to make the exchange to Sweden a reality and apart from helping out with the preparations leading up to my sister's wedding, I really wanna...
- Read my books! I still have Sophie's World and Veronika Decides to Die (just purchased today!) to finish.
- Watch more movies. I keep meaning to watch them but end up missing them 'cos of school
- Start exercising. Not to lose weight, but to stay healthy. I feel breathless nowadays just climbing 2 flights of stairs. Tsk. Unbecoming!
- Do a local-food-only sabbatical thing before I fly off. I may not feel it now, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to miss the local food! Laksa, Chicken Rice, Char Kway Teow, Fried Oyster Omelette, aghhhh I'm going to miss you guys!
- Shop. But within boundaries. Haha, I don't want to blow my pocket on unneccessary things; but I still have some things I want to get but didn't have the time to.
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Went out with Zhu, Mabs and XT finally, after what seemed like the longest time since we last met. Even the food vouchers we received the last time we met had expired by the time we got together to hang out again. We went to catch Cape No. 7 in the cinemas.
I sort of went in with no expectations, as I usually do for movies I don't especially anticipate. I'm lazy to talk about all of it, but I'm just going to say that it was a pretty good movie; maybe not blow-your-socks-off good but it was enjoyable, and that's all that matters really whenever you're tired out from the exams and you just want to be entertained after all that inane mugging. It was very disjointed in the beginning, because basically the movie was interspersing one storyline with another, and it was hard to reconcile both storylines and figure out how they related to each other (and why the scriptwriters chose to intertwine this story with that etc), and maybe my brain was a little bit too tired to figure out why by then.
The 2 hours of sleep yesterday night, coupled with a total near panic attack when my helpsheet MSword document for the Econs paper I had the next day totally failed on me at the last minute was obviously taking effect on me. I swear my blood almost curdled when I tried to paste something in the MS doc and the whole of my 2nd page disappeared. I was trying frantically to retrieve it but all it showed when re-opened was sequences of the same row, all over and over again. Scary. It wasn't funny 'cos it was 4a.m. by then, about 5 hours to the start of the exam!? But good ol' Google spat out some help when I searched for the solutions to a corrupt MSword document. Turns out, it's a very, very easy process. If you guys corrupt your file inadvertently, don't despair and don't trash it out of frustration just yet! Just save it -yes, save the corrupt file (click save as)- in a .rtf format (rich text format), close, reopen the rtf file you just saved, and click save as, then save it in .doc format again. VOILA! Your corrupt file recovered =)
I'm sorry I'm rambling, I'm just going on and on in streams of consciousness and I'm just rattling the things off the top off my head now.
All right, time to sleep. At least 8 hours this time around. I'm gonna sleep like a baby.
Labels: exams, how-to, movies, random thoughts
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date/time Monday, December 01, 2008,11:47 AM
Last One
Arggghhhh!
The last one is always the hardest! Especially when its many many days apart from your 2nd last paper. Instead of feeling motivated 'cos it's the last paper to temporal freedom, I'm feeling sluggish and lethargic because that day is 'so near yet so far'. It's like trying to grab at a carrot that's being dangled in front of you and failing every single time.
To make matters worse, it's ECONOMICS. I've always been biased against it because one of my teachers made me drop it back in my JC days. She was like, 'OH drop drop drop lah drop!'. Way to encourage your students. Anyway, I'm trying to get over all the graphs and equations. They're all over the place, both literally and metaphorically in my brain, as well as scrawled all over randomly on blank pieces of crumpled paper. My table is a battlefield right now. Gah, enough of all these numbers. I better not be dealing with any next sem.
I can't wait for post-exams. I'm going to shop and sleep and eat and watch movies and just chill at home and read my books and basically just NOT STUDY. Oh 2 Dec where art thou! Labels: exams, random thoughts, rants
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Profile
21 year old student still trying to find her way around the world; like any other :)
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