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date/time Saturday, May 28, 2005,1:08 AM
Stage Fright
Spinning: The Cranberries - Dreams
Written in the wee hours of today morning, posted in early afternoon:
It's 1 a.m., and I really should be sleeping now, but the very reason I'm sitting here typing out (what I expect to be an) awfully long post is because I'd just come back from my very first stage performance. Well. Or should I rephrase it to: "My very first sensible stage performance". My first performance onstage was a nonsensical one in primary school - I'm sure you get the idea - so I won't elaborate.
Tonight was the TJ Guitar concert - Aurora IX. Which was why I didn't blog for a week. For the week that has gone by, the entire club was staying back in school to practise our pieces, until about 9 p.m. everyday (except Monday.) Surprisingly, it was really tiring for me. Usually I'd be able to stay up real late - but I couldn't for the entire week. The moment I came back I hit the sack - of course after having a shower and all - but really, I was too tired to do anything else.
I'm just going to touch on the concert itself first - pre/post concert events will come later.
7.15 p.m.:
Concert-goers had arrived earlier than expected, and a sizeable crowd had gathered outside the auditorium. The doors to the auditorium were opened earlier. People of all age groups started streaming in. Alastair, my guitar mate commented that 'There doesn't seem to be a large audience tonight', or something along those lines. I said, "Wait and see."
7.30 p.m.:
Mabel, Zhu Hui and XT had already arrived and were seated in the centre block. And of course they laughed at me for some reason. No sign of my mother and sister. Some really unpleasant event occured here - though I won't elaborate much, what I will say is that I was really pissed of at someone's parent. I won't deny it. And I think I showed it in my facial expression when I told her 'It's O.K.'. But I don't care. This time I was obviously not at fault - and I was being blamed for some 'error' that wasn't even existent.
7.40 p.m.:
The central block and left-side block was filled to the brim. At this point I turned to Alastair and asked, "Are you sure this isn't a large audience?" I laugh. Knowing full well it wasn't just humour that I was projecting. I knew that somewhere in my laughter, there was a tinge of nervosity. Still no sign of my mother and sister.
7.45 p.m.:
Ma and Sis finally arrive. No good seats were available and sadly, they had to watch me from the upper gallery, where not much can be seen, and where the sound system is CRAP.
7.50 p.m.:
Was time for us to go back to our holding rooms and await our turns to appear onstage. Sat in the holding rooms for awhile, but I didn't practise much. I was quite tired by then and I just wanted to find some peace before the performance.
8.00 p.m.:
Year 2 performances. Couldn't really hear what the audience heard from backstage. Year 1s were to play 3 pieces, including the grand finale, and excluding 2 small group pieces. I remember that feeling I held in my heart as I was waiting backstage for our turn to walk into centrestage. It was a really teensy fluttering feeling in my heart - yes, I'd gotten the jitters. Yet it wasn't really enough to cause me to feel THAT scared - I was prepared and I was sure everyone else were more or less prepared too. Boon ee and I eyed each other and I urged her to pray. So we did. I prayed for a sense of calm, peace, and courage. Courage to run my nails over the soundhole. with that sort of audacity - to be able to play without inhibition, with confidence. I wanted peace to ease the anxiety that had planted itself within me. I was acutely aware that it was my first performance - and therefore prepared for stage fright of any form.
8.00 p.m. onwards *lost track of time here as I was busy worrying about the next item*:
Finally the emcee said, "Let's give a round of applause to the junior ensemble, presenting blah blah piece and blah blah 2 piece." That was our cue. We were nervous. I could see it in every one. Exchanges of the 'thumbs up' sign took place backstage, and everyone was uttering 'good luck's under their breath. And finally, we took our first steps and approached the chairs that awaited our butts to sit upon. Bowed as the student conductor entered, and sat. Immediately I could feel my heart start to thump really hard - and suddenly I realised that there were over 200 pairs of eyes staring at us and waiting for us to start, inclusive of teachers, parents, good friends - even other guitar clubs - I knew only then that we had a name to live up to.
The student conductor was thankfully someone who had built excellent rapport with us. She was very good in getting our attention and conveying what she wanted to us. Without screaming out the commands on stage, of course. As the bass picked up, I waited as my fingers readied themselves to start on the melody. And then my turn came. Suddenly I realised my fingers were trembling badly. So badly, that I wasn't able to play the first few bars as smoothly as I could have. I don't know what changed that, though. Something came over me - I just had that burning desire to play well - and this thought flashed into my mind: "Enjoy the music. Just enjoy the music you're making." And that was it. I forgot my stage fright and concentrated on the music. That advice - it wasn't from myself. It was from Cheryl. So dude, I have to thank you for that. Really.
I looked at the conductor often, trying to keep pace with the rest, and also because I wanted a diversion from the distractions from the audience. I heard the rest play. The twanging of the strings ringing clearly in my ears - and those mistakes of mine and others - they were AMPLIFIED. I thought we didn't do well. But I had no time to think about that. The first song was over in a flash. The applause came. The first applause I'd ever received since primary school for a concert performance. But nevermind that - the 2nd song was already starting up. I was one of those playing the introductions - and I thought I'd be too afraid to pluck the strings as an opening to the song. But I didn't hesitate this time. And there, at this point of time - I knew my stage fright had gone. The 2nd one came and went... and up we stood, bowing, and at the same time we heard the applause. Was it courtesy? Or was it appreciation? I didn't know.
I had an extra song though - a small group performance. Involving at least 20 more temasek primary kids. They were wonderful, though naughty at times. They stood behind us guitarists. And we played. Xinying made the mistake of sitting down before all of us did, and I was stunned for a bit. But thankfully the audience wasn't made up of those bigwigs/snobbish pigs with noses up in the air - they laughed. And I laughed. I liked the audience - they weren't that formal. This time round, though we were in a single row i.e not covered by anybody in front and EXPOSED to the audience, I wasn't afraid. Surprisingly, I was even more confident than before. And so were the others. Obviously, the audience was pleasantly surprised by these kids singing to the tune of 'over the rainbow'. They loved it. I could see the mouthing of the words 'so cute' in the Auditorium. Evidently, it wasn't directed to the guitarists. I did my part, but I was more aware of the singing behind me. They did well - i must say, for primary school kids. The soloists were really cute and funny, inducing a bit of a laugh from the audience. It was soon over - and the audience clapped - but actually, deep in my heart I think it was more for the kids :)
Went backstage yet again to await my grand finale performance with the rest. From what I heard, the band item was a smashing success thanks to the wonderful guitarists, drummer, and not forgetting the vocalists. They jammed to the tune of "Dreams" by The Cranberries, and "At Your Side" by The Corrs. Next up were the 'Please Mr Postman' guitarists from Year 1. They practised really hard for it, so I was really happy that they did well. The SYF performances were lined up, after a few guest performances, inclusive of a father-son pair who played some really interesting tunes... the son was just 7 this year, and he'd learnt the guitar for 2 years. A real prodigy in the making I must say - his skills outshine some of ours. Mine included. The SYF perfomances sounded good from backstage - the 12 stringed guitar, the guitaron, prime guitars - everything blended well with each other.
Consequently it was our turn to put up a grand finale. We strode into the stage, donning different coloured bandanas and black (plastic) mexican hats, with a white long sleeved shirt and black pants. XT and Mabel claimed I looked 'feminine'. Yeah, and I bet they were sniggering when they saw me. Hehe. Huiru said she 'couldn't recognize me in that hat'. But yeah. The performance was a tad bit messy, largely owing to the fact that most of us were quite taken aback by the piece's abrupt start. But anyhow, the costumes kinda took away the audience's attention on the song. They shouted encore thrice. I don't know if that is the norm - I never performed before. I was told it was more than usual. So we teased the audience by shortening each encore, until finally at the last encore - we played just ONE single note, and ended it off by tipping our hats with a gleeful shout of 'Ole!'.
Then it was over. 1 hour 15 mins worth of guitar concert. Which we took many months, or at least the Year 2s took many months to organize. We took a few months to practise the pieces. But it was worth it. really.
On hindsight, maybe I should've joined a performing arts group back in Secondary School. I was lucky that Guitar accepted people who had no experience whatsoever with the instrument. In fact almost 80% of the cohort had no knowledge of how to play the guitar. Some of them didn't have musical backgrounds. It was unlike other musical groups which wanted people with experience.
But then again if I'd joined a performing arts group, I'd not have the chance to make solid friends with those SJ peeps, and I don't think I'd have chosen Guitar has a PDP already in College.
Yeah - this entry is long enough and I'm going to end here - pre/post concert events, I will blog about them next time as they were most eventful and will most likely take a lot of words to describe. Labels: events
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date/time Friday, May 20, 2005,11:21 PM
Winning. Lovely.
I'm seldom the one who shows much enthusiasm in school competitions. Of course, I ain't the obstinate mule that you think I might be; when prodded, I do cheer and all that, but I don't go all out really. I'm not a competitor, I thought, so why should I ooze enthusiasm left, right, and center? I would say it would take a lot to change that stubborn mentality I have. And a lot it did take to change that: it was only today when I suddenly felt like I really belonged to TJ. I felt TJ's school spirit - fully blown in my face. I was overwhelmed.
Today was the National Basketball Championships finals. The basketball A division boys managed to qualify for the finals (apparently this was a first in 15 years). The last year we'd clinched the championship was 20 years ago. Since it was considered a milestone in TJ sporting events, the principal decided that it was good if the whole school could go down to support the basketball players. And yeah - that's exactly what we did.
Never, ever have I witnessed such intensity and suspense in a basketball match. The whole thing was a rollercoaster ride, with TJ taking the lead at times (specifically the beginning), and HCI taking the lead at other times (specifically the middle). Most of the time the scores were equalized, with each school threatening to overtake the other constantly. Basically - our ugly sides kind of showed up. So did the other school's. Whenever an opponent's team committed a foul, or missed a basket, either school would scream in joy. It was quite cruel to laugh at each other's misfortune, but then again this is a competition -- and there's no mercy on court.
The beginning saw TJ taking a big lead, I guess HCI had yet to warm up. Subsequently they caught up with us - and there was this time where our score reached a deadlock - there didn't seem to be anyway we could break it - until there was a timeout. Guess it did wonders. But you don't know how scared and anxious we were. We genuinely wanted TJ to win. To break that 20 year record, to show that we excelled in something.
The euphoria in the air after the match was exhilarating. Absolutely exhilarating. I was impressed mostly by TJ's never-say-die attitude, even when our scores dipped to a low, we never stopped cheering. 'Fight on, TJ, Fight on'. That's what I heard and echoed. 'Let's go, TJ, Let's go'. That too. I don't know, it was like we didn't lose faith - and I'm glad we didn't - if I were on court like the team, I would certainly be encouraged by what my school was doing for me.
When we won - that's when the very climax of the euphoria hanging in the air was reached. Everyone screamed, unrestrained, losing their senses for a moment or two, hi-fiving our neighbours despite not being in the team personally, clapped till our palms hurt. We stood proud and sang the school song.
I can't emphasize more how impressed I really am.
Oh. This sounds a lot like a school article or something doesn't it. Ok. Here's what you wouldn't find in one: People who claim TJ is lacking in school spirit should just go home. And probably update their brains on what TJ is like now. Step aside okay - just step aside. And obviously you can tell, it's happened to me before. People telling me, oh XJC is lacking in this and that as compared to X2JC.
Yeah, whatever. It doesn't sway me anymore. Labels: events
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date/time Monday, May 16, 2005,11:33 PM
fried brains , anyone?
brains=fried. I speak probably sense no now. Sure I am you understand don't.
(Sloshes brain juice a bit) Crap. I did a seriously draining Lit assignment and I am so damn tired now, man. I never put so much effort into assignments in secondary school before. Don't ask me why I'm doing this now. Else I'll change my mind and revert to my slacker mode.
A bit vexed about whether to run for pdp exco or not... -_- shall discuss with a few people, do a heart-to-heart session with my... heart, and ask some people relevant questions, appear to be damn kiasee, (but I am only being cautious, okay.) then make my decision. All within a day. I.e. TOMORROW.
The reason I'm doing so much just to find out more about the posts is that I don't want to majorly screw up this decision of mine (whether to be in exco or not). No, I'm not 100% sure I'll be in, but the question 'what if' always pops up. If I drop out, it's okay. If I'm in, then what, I obviously have to continue with the post, answer to the people who voted - it's not something you can hastily decide upon. Not like, 'oh, I shuang, I join'. No way. You do this, and if you ever find yourself drowning in the workload next time, you're going to kick yourself to death for the rash decision you made not too long back.
I don't like to regret stuff. That's why I'm thinking very carefully about this. It all boils down to whether I know enough about a post to wholeheartedly commit or not. Once I know enough, and I'm certain I'll manage well enough (for the good of both the pdp and myself), then I'll run for exco with my heart more at ease. Implications of someone joining without adequate info - everybody in the pdp is going to end up miserable. I really mean everyone. I'm not exaggerating - got first hand experience. I played the miserable role along with everyone else, that is. -_-
So yeah. Man. This post sounds sombre huh... I don't like the mood. Oh well. Update next time peeps.
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date/time Friday, May 13, 2005,9:13 PM
Things to do on a plane when you're bored
Spinning: Vertical Horizon - Shackled
18 hours. 18 freaking hours. That's how long I'd have to spend suspended in mid-air in god-knows-which country. In a plane with no in-flight entertainment system. You have no idea how handy those are when you're on a plane, getting so bored that you're about to chew on your own seats and choke on them to create some excitement. Yeah. You have no idea. Once I took a plane to Shanghai. Merely a 5 hour flight and I was feeling so damn bored, I watched 2 and a half movies to idle away the time. 2 and a half movies! Now there's no in-flight entertainment system, what am I to do for entertainment?!
Already this was pin-pointed as a potential problem in our trip to UK, and so discussions were quickly underway on how to alleviate these problems. The following were suggested.
1. Sleep
It's a 18 hour flight to UK. A.k.a, to the other side of the globe. If we don't catch some shuteye, I'm promising you we'll be so jetlagged we won't have the mood for other activities. Plus, I'd have some photos of pandas to show you guys when I'm back. Pandas standing in front of Stonehenge. Pretty interesting eh.
2. Card Games
BRIDGE! Old maid! Pig! Dai Dee! Indian Poker! Oh, whatever to pass the time.
3. Bop our heads to music
Our own music of course. Some of the music on the plane is just erh, not to my liking.
4. Yakkity yak
YESSSS... provided Shaver doesn't do anything about it. Though I have a nagging feeling he will.
Heh. Just received a humourous e-mail from the Teacher in Charge and he basically gave us an overview of what we were going to do in UK. Some of the more interesting landmarks we'll be visiting include Globe Theatre, Stonehenge, Oxford, Bath, blah blah the like. Looking forward, man, looking forward.
I promise to bring back photos. Hopefully, not of pandas. Jetlagged - it's a nasty word. I worry for myself on that aspect.
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date/time Monday, May 09, 2005,11:08 PM
Stupid Neck
I'm sorry if I was being an ass in school, but you can't really blame me because there really was an onslaught of unfortunate incidents raining down on me the past week. First I fell sick. Then my neck had to start acting up. Yes people. Laugh at me... you're given the right to do so. After all, I can't even turn my head properly to chide you. Man. And I was PMS-ing the whole day. Slept through some lectures (which is what I wouldn't normally do), and basically was a grouch throughout the whole of today. No excuse for my behaviour, really. It's just a monthly thing. When will the stupid monster in my neck go away!? That being said. There have, unfortunately, been no interesting events to blog about. Unless you want me to talk about tests, which, I believe, you won't want to hear. You WON'T want to hear. Wait, ok. Wait for the UK trip. I'm going to bombard the whole blog with posts. And photos.
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date/time Wednesday, May 04, 2005,12:54 AM
Refined businessman? MY FOOT.
I think one of the major pet peeves I have is coming across irresponsible public transport users. Whenever I have any contact whatsoever with such creeps, I'd have this irrepressible urge to blog and kao peh about them. Yeah, well, some guy managed to offend me on the MRT yet again. It actually happened on the way to Mariana's Bday Bash (see post below), but I didn't want to associate this issue with, well, such a happy occasion.
It happened during the madness that comes with the Orchard Road Shopping Frenzy, which usually takes place on weekends. Eww, okay. As mentioned previously in the post below, I cannot stand rush hour Orchard Road. I transited trains from City Hall to Orchard Road. I walked in first and grabbed the metal pole in the middle, in front of the sliding doors. This middle-aged guy, clad in all black office wear then strode in, and GUESS WHAT HE DID?! He leaned on the damn pole. He pressed his WHOLE back against that metal pole. And my hand was there. Very gross can! And not to mention, rude lah! OK, granted, it might have been an accident, though I cannot see why HE couldn't spot me. I mean - I was carrying a red and yellow bag - I thought they were warning colours... hello? Nevermind - that wasn't the main issue. The main issue here was that I mumbled a very uncomfortable 'Excuse Me', and he turned around, and said, 'Oh, Sorry.' Just when I was about to feel slightly placated, wah, you cannot imagine what this guy'd do next. Pretending nothing happened, he turned around and rested his back on the pole again! Argh! So what could I do but slink away to another spot on the carriage... and of course along the way rolling my eyes out of my socket to no end.
Later on, as the train pulled up at Dhoby Gaut station, and all the aunties with their kiddywinks (like Mr. Elwin always says) filled the carriage, I'd expected that guy to move. Did he? Obviously not, or else this post wouldn't be here. He continued leaning on the stupid pole! It was like he couldn't bear to part with the bloody pole. Wah lau, I felt like slapping him! There was one particular mother who was carrying her baby on one arm, and holding her child on another, and when the train braked abruptly, the poor kids AND the mother almost fell! They were standing next to that guy who stuck himself to the pole, and despite such a scenario playing itself out in front of the guy, that heartless bloke didn't have the sense to MOVE and just use ONE HAND to grab the pole!
Ha. I know, I'm sounding very emotional here. But look, I just cannot stand people who don't know how to use public transport properly. Public transport, I emphasize, is for public use. If you owned the whole train, then fine, you could even lie on the whole stretch of seats for all I care. But if you don't, then please lah, be more sensible. Refined businessman my foot... that guy, despite being well-dressed, ain't refined at all.
Anyway - I fell sick last night and didn't go to school today. Some throat infection of sorts, which according to my doctor, is increasingly common nowadays with the drastic change in weather. He advised me to rest for 2 days. So what, man. Absence doesn't mean I can slacken... I still had to do assignments at home, despite the fact that I desperately needed to sleep. However, I'm convinced that the assignments I did today were all gibberish - I was feeling woozy all day. See lah, what JC does to you... can't even sleep when you're sick... -_- allow me a moment of self-pity.
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date/time Sunday, May 01, 2005,8:02 PM
Mariana's Bday Bash 2005
 Mariana's Bday Bash 2005
Originally uploaded by velvet_ice.So that's the group pic of us posing in front of Taka's Crystal Jade (Ramen/Xiaolongbao). It's funny how they have these different outlets of the same restaurant, all in the same building. Looks like they're doing very well. Yu Chen and I almost got lost finding the place (it was that deep in), yet when we reached the restaurant, there was a long queue snaking outside the entrance.
Yep, Mariana's Bday 'Bash' was held at that very restaurant. Mar's from Indonesia, and apparently the Indonesian culture is to give a bigger celebration on their child's 17th birthday. Instead of sweet 16, we have sweet 17. So yep, we ate ramen there! Almost all of us ordered the spicy and sour Ramen. Including me! *GASPS* Yeah - I realised that my chilli resistance has been upped a notch, partially 'cos I've been eating a lot of Laksa and Tom Yam at the nearby food centres near my school nowadays. Helps a lot. The cost of the food was paid for fully by Mar's parents. Goodness - they paid for at least 10 of us! Then we split from Mar's parents - guess they wanted Mar to have some fun with us.
Started to think about dessert, so we made our way to Swensen's and ... get this - ate 2 Earthquakes. When it comes to food, my squad doesn't show any mercy. Lounged around for awhile, then we started to walk around Orchard. We realised soon after that there wasn't really anything better to do in Orchard... Everyone of us was just walking around aimlessly and mastering the art of self-entertainment.
Have I mentioned I don't like Orchard Road on weekends? It's claustrophobic, crowded, and basically, too cramped. I don't like places which are too crowded - for an ideal outing, I'd prefer lounging around in an eatery with some friends... don't really like the idea of rubbing shoulders with crazed shoppers who are out to knock you down. I swear man - that happens to me all the time in the MRT. When you talk, you can't even hear yourself! So yeah, if it wasn't for her birthday or any other special event, it'd be pretty hard to persuade me to go to Orchard. Call me a weirdo - that's how I am.
Had a great day - outings with SJ squadmates are always damn fun... It really isn't so much of the activities we participate in, it's more of interacting with each other that makes me feel right at home. Just too bad we're now split into different JCs - hope we stay together. I never wanna let any of them go.
Note to SJ peeps:
Just click on the photo and link to the other photos. Don't wanna flood my blog with all the photos, see.
Apologies if this entry sounds so abstract, it doesn't really sound like me, but I'm just rushing for dinner actually. Ciao. Labels: events
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21 year old student still trying to find her way around the world; like any other :)
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