Spinning: The Cardigans - My Favourite Game
It's a little hard to describe this state I am in. I think it's because I have almost forgotten how to structure my written sentences properly. Going to school is a mindless routine. I take the same bus, walk upon the same pathways, see the same people, do the same things. It's getting a little boring. Busy, but boring. Perhaps this is the reason why my occasional mood swings are amplified. I swing from melancholy to euphoria to bitterness to contentment. I try to control it, but when you haven't had enough sleep the previous night and when things just aren't going right, you feel so pissified it's so hard not to snap at people who snap at you, or at people who say all the wrong things at the wrong time. I try, but it's hard. And I become acutely aware of such emotional rollercoasters because - yes - things are just SO boring and routine.
Nope, I'm not really in a pissy mood now. Just trying to reflect on what this semester has been like for me.
Perhaps taking my film module was not a bad choice after all. In between all those calculations and concepts and logic and reasoning, it's nice to have a module where creative expression is encouraged to no end. More significantly, the module provokes me, somewhat. It has this profound effect on me. Every time after lecture or tutorial, I head over to the school of business slightly dazed. I just end up thinking and thinking and thinking about what was said, over and over again in my head. And every time I cross the boundary from the Arts to my home faculty, a blanket of melancholy falls over me. It's not because I regret taking my current course. I still stand by my choice.
It's just that sometimes, I feel incredible solitude as I think my thoughts and realize to my great frustration that there's no one I can share it with, or who can understand it all.
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