Spinning: Coldplay - Yes

OK the last post was a bit of a hit and run kind of post, where I'd just dumped all the photos in one post. Didn't really feel like writing/typing much.

I just wanted to talk about how unexpected things have come to be right now. The friends I hang out with, the people I love, a coupla years ago I'd never have dreamed that our relationships would end up this way. Some of them were mere acquaintances, some of them were good friends but now, I feel like I can share my whole life with them. It's just strange.

And for a long time now I've felt so displaced from everything. It isn't a perpetual kind of feeling. Sometimes the mundane, routine things in life make you forget about things like that but after all the hustle and bustle dies down, you feel that displacement returning to haunt again. Something like intermittent lapses.

Spiritually I was displaced; I had trouble reconciling my church life with my personal life. I felt I needed to keep them separate. But anyway, that's a thing of a past now. So I'm doing fine spiritually, yes.

But one of the worst kinds of displacements would be just the feeling that I probably don't belong where I am right now. The sort of feeling which bugs you with questions like

"What on earth am I doing?"

"Why am I doing this?"


I have a feeling this is precisely the reason why I want to get out of here for awhile. I know I'm searching for something. Or maybe, to put it more accurately, I'm trying to shrug off that nasty feeling of displacement.

Naysayers will chide me for being unrealistic and they'll say that "the grass is always greener on the other side". You know, I think that's one of the most cliched proverbs ever. These people are content with the life they're living, and really, good for them. But there ARE people out there who just can't fit in. And if said naysayers are not really fitting in but trying to (and failing miserably) but sit back and say "that's life"? I'm sorry, but I don't think I want to be like them.

And if I turn out to be wrong, and if the grass really was greener on the other side, then let me experience it for myself. I want to know the truth, whether or not it hurts. Then at least I can say that I've truly learnt for myself what things are really like, and not rely on cliched proverbs like that and remain ignorant of what really is on the other side.

Damn, I think I'm having an identity crisis.