There was this childhood rhyme that my mom used to love rattling off to me whenever we were waiting for the bus. I bet many people in my generation have heard it before. It goes something like, "Wait wait wait, bus no come, one time come, three buses come". Obviously it's very Singlish because it's got Singlish origins hahaha.

But anyway, I'm beginning to see how that adage applies to not just public buses (have you guys ever waited for your buses only to see endless trains of the SAME bus - always not yours - line up at the bus stop?), but it also applies to a lot of other stuff. Like deadlines. And for some others, love interests (HAHA - you know who you are.) And other troublesome things. What did Mr William Shakespeare say before? When trouble comes, they come not in single spies but batallions; or something along those lines.

And when things like that pile up, people turn into KLMMCs, a term coined by vanvan himself. Ke Lian Mao Mao Chong. Pitiful Furry Worm.

And I need to start focusing on the right things. Too many distractions these days, I feel like I've changed a little. And not for the better, too. I never actually knew what insecurity meant; and how prone people can be to that until recently.

Anyway. The days ahead will probably ensure I get my act together and return to focusing on the right things, because busytimes are here.

in this cacophonous world of ours

I don't know where everyone has disappeared to these days. So many friends are gallivanting across the globe. Cheryl and Marilyn in Shanghai, TPP and Sister in the UK, Amande in *insert random country here*. And everyone seems extraordinarily busy this semester. For now at least, I seem to be the only one who's actually free. Hah. Well, maybe not free, free. But I have a lot of time to myself I must say.

Sufficient time to look through my blog entries in the past few years. I don't know if anyone else likes to do that; I generally have mixed feelings about looking through past entries. On one hand I cringe at the ridiculously childish thoughts I ever had in the past, and on the other I sometimes see some progress in my writing style. And of course I get to read through most of the milestones in my life and how I felt about them. Sort of like virtual time capsules.

I will admit though that I don't write as much as I used to anymore, and the length and depth of my entries are admittedly shorter and shallower than before. There're a multitude of reasons I could give for that, but I suppose one of them is the dissipation of that teenage angst that used to set me ablaze all the time, somewhere between my secondary and JC years. I wouldn't say I was an emo wreck angry with the world - the truth couldn't be further from that. Rather, I was frustrated with how the world worked I guess, and I was searching for my place in this world. What was my role, and which values and beliefs I supported and wanted to adopt for myself. Much of these frustrations occurred internally; I only ever voiced it out to close friends, and so that was why a lot of my entries were emotionally charged I guess. Maybe the blog was a form of release for me.

But I feel a difference now. I'm a lot more at peace now with who I am and how the world works. But I'm by no means saying that I've stopped searching for answers. Self discovery, and learning about this world is a uphill task - it's a journey and it's not something I can do in a matter of years. Perhaps the best way to describe it is that the worst of my identity crisis is over. I'm actually pretty sure that this happens to everyone else... just maybe at different times.

And if you asked me what contributed to this, I suppose it's an amalgam of various experiences in life, but oh, who am I kidding, maybe it's age lah. I frankly don't know. It just happened; it was a process.

Sometimes I don't even know why I ramble on and on about thoughts like this. Doesn't even matter, does it?

I was just practising what I learnt in hiphop class in front of my mirror when I realized suddenly that my body movements resemble that of a chimp's when I dance.

TAK GLAM

loooong way to go.