Spinning: Lily Allen - Smile

Well I'm in the process of editing my HK post. For now, allow me to indulge in a little self-reflection.

I've not been working for awhile now, and it's at times like these when I discover new things about others, and about myself. Traits that never surface under 'normal', even hectic circumstances. Or it could be that I never even had time to think about them.

I found a lack of ambition, a laid-back disposition as compared to the past few years, and - people are going to say otherwise - a bit of a loner in myself. I discovered all these in the span of 2 months. Don't be surprised, you will too, if you have too much time on your hands. And of course in the first place, you'll have to make an effort.

I'm beginning to dislike society's ruthless stereotyping. It's getting so hard to actually be ourselves, and getting increasingly easy to lose our sense of identities, because of what society expects from us. Yes, I'm being provoked by people around me. And it's unavoidable because wherever I go, whatever I do, I'm bound to meet them. And what annoys more is that they are people who matter to me.

I hate to admit this, but I have betrayed my own aspirations. And this is why I'm beginning to lose sight of what I used to be like.

Maybe I've reached some stupid mandatory crossroad. And that is made even more obvious because at this stage I'm being exposed to a TINY portion of what's ahead of me. And already I'm disgusted.

You know what's scary about what lies ahead? The thought of becoming one of those snotty executives who dabble in office politics all day long. What matters to them? Which floor they're on, which club they belong to, and whose boots they've not licked yet. In the end, it's not going to matter.

I know, this post is very fragmented. I'm confused myself, and I can't be bothered to organize my thoughts. I'm just throwing out thoughts randomly. I know some of these topics HAVE been mentioned more than a few times in this blog, but it is different this time. I feel even more strongly about them than ever before. You might not understand what I'm trying to get at, but never mind, it doesn't matter.

And, as a final thought - if you're a friend of someone, or even a sibling, a cousin, don't judge. Stop being judgmental. And stop questioning. If you don't know it yet, you're upsetting them.