So I was walking around the campus grounds yesterday. I had a destination, but it sure didn't feel like it.
People around me are noble enough to sacrifice various things for certain purposes. But I find myself floundering in that aspect. I hate it when I receive that call, say "No, I can't make it." and when I feel that ten tonne guilt weighing down on myself when I put the phone down. And if I don't show for some events, that's it. I'm automatically a troubled soul. Who's sliding further and further away. They don't tell me that explicitly of course. But body language and tone do not lie.
In Othello's world, the titular character had public and private spheres. And for me, I've never liked the idea of spheres which overlap way too much. So when they do, I feel awkward, and most of all, I feel suffocated. That probably explains the distance between us, even though it's been months already.
Others may be able to subscribe to the idea of spheres which almost totally overlap each other. Which is probably the reason why they are so willing to sacrifice their time, since its a major, major, part of their lives. But I can't. I can't bring myself to just drop everything. And that is causing me to re-evaluate everything now.
It feels like being torn apart. So much so, I'm tempted to quit and run.
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