Spinning: Pavane - Gabriel Faure
The more you get to know someone, the more he takes you for granted. The closer you get, the more distanced you want to feel. Frightening, isn't it? I'm not being philosophical here, or at least I think I'm not - because these are plain observations made from real life. It's paradoxical but uncannily true.
I've been mulling over this for some time (yes, it is what I do when I'm on the bus, eating at home alone, or during TV advertisements.) and I think, maybe, the reason is that we're subconsciously aware of the need to make a great first impression - so around people we hardly know, we're at our best behaviours. Around people whom we think are already our 'buddies', it's like a different picture all together; some sort of behaviour that crosses the boundary of 'no-holds-barred'. I'm not saying that we shouldn't let our hair down with our friends, nor am I saying that we shouldn't be truthful/straightforward and give them what they want to hear all the time. I'm saying that sometimes, closest friends expect their pals to tread with care on their emotional domain but they disappoint, all because they've already crossed that invisible 'boundary' of 'Good Impression Received' and they might think 'Aiyah, there's no need to be tactful because I'm their good friend already. They know me well enough.' There's a fine line between being tactfully honest and being brutally straightforward. It's a pity that many of us tend to forget and shoot our mouths off. Sometimes, we don't even know that we've hurt the other party's feelings.
Similarly, we often find ourselves hard pressed for compliments for someone we know really well. Honestly, when was the last time you praised your closest loved one? That sense of familiarity can make you take things for granted. I'm guilty as charged, although many events have taught me NOT to ever, ever take things, or more importantly, people around me, for granted.
I guess oftentimes compliments that ought to be showered on someone don't follow through because of our pride. I'll confess that Pride, Self-worth's ugly cousin, that can make or break your relationships stands in my way a lot of times. When I think I should say something good of someone - Pride stops me. When I think I should be apologizing, Pride is first in the line to convince me otherwise. Even compromising is an uphill task. It's human nature - Pride is the reigning victor in many of us - save for a blessed few.
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Recently someone I know went on a thrashing spree about one of the subjects I take - Literature. It's really a bad move when you're talking to someone who actually takes the subject, so I don't know why the heck he decided to go ahead anyway. It was an innocent conversation initially - or at least it seemed like it was going down that road - until he decided to talk about Art. I'm really in no position to comment on Art because I'm no expert, but what he said was really nonsensical enough to warrant a (mental) response from me. Let me just say that he commented that anything, including "a few splotches of paint" can pass off as Art. That can be true but you know, I think his drift was that Art is nonsense, and he was running it down - at least in my opinion. My reaction was to stare at him, bewildered. Then he went rattling on about how ridiculous interpretations of Art can get. Sure, Art is subjective, but not mindlessly subjective!
Somehow the conversation shifted to Literature - and he did say something that I find true up till today. He'd suggested that authors or poets may not mean for us to interpret a certain text/poem in the way that we interpret. So. But what I'd found irritating was that he was insinuating that any reckless interpretation would garner you an 'A' in your exams. I felt that was pretty insulting - was he hinting that Literature required no skills at all? (to put it bluntly, it's like saying, "You're really dense.")
I do acknowledge that I'm probably this irked because I take the subject, and the prideful me has been offended. But still I find his comments really uncalled for, and they are pretty much unfounded.
Labels: musings, rants
9 comments
9 Comments:
Yea. I definitely do agree that those comments are really unfounded. If it were so easy to score for both the subjects, everyone would have chosen to offered ith for A Levels :)
*Chews*
I'm just glad its not any of us!
AND HEY, Im using this comment box!!
Yeah I do realize :) Hehe. Anyway thanks for starting this trend; hope the others will follow suit too - i.e. shoutbox for random comments and comment system for post-specific stuff :)
How could it be any of you?! Just because it's a 'he'? hahaha
For all the times I've shot my mouth off and hurt your feelings, i apologize.
that sounded so formal but i guess it's necessary!
(andifellforashootingstar)
heehee i caught a look at "the recent" column and decided to write that down. I guess both no.1and2 are shootingstars to me. Transient. Sigh.
Actually that was me. zhuhui.
Same to you ZH, for all the times that i've shot my mouth off also - sorry.
This is turning a little mushy. :)
Don't be too disheartened Zh - for all you know the shooting star might just land at your feet :)
yokey
OOH that's a good one yokey. the one about shooting stars landing at my feet :)
OOH that's a good one yokey. the one about shooting stars landing at my feet :)
it's really provocative. got me to reflect to whether i've been tactful or tactless. hmm. i'll pay you to be my psychologist yokey!
aman
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