Spinning: High and Dry -- Radiohead

Last Monday, I waited at my usual bus-stop at 6.50 a.m. I was 5 minutes off from the usual timing at which I'd wait for the bus. My college is a 10 to 15 minute bus ride away from home. IQ question: given that I have to reach school by 7.25 a.m. LATEST, would I be able to reach it on time?

OK. Make that a rhetorical question. Following simple logic, I'd have been more than punctual. I guess it was one of those 'it's just not my day!' sort of days. Because the bus arrived at 7.20. Do the math for me and you'll find that I waited for a whopping half an hour for the bus. And amazingly I still had time to rush into the school, sprint desperately towards the parade square... only to be halted by the commander's shout of attenshun. I was separated from the assembly ground by a puny stretch of road.

At this point I was a little flustered, but other than that, nothing. The 'it's just not my day' phenomena acted up again. Of all days, the Discipline Master JUST had to talk about punctuality and whatnot that very morning. I was gobsmacked by the trail of events and even worse -- because of his little lecture, many teachers and students alike turned to look at us with those accusing eyes. And who was the one in front, shielding the others' faces? Oh, 'it's just not my day' phenomena again -- I had to be the bodoh one standing in front. And that's when I started to get pretty irked by what'd happened.

I'm not just describing these events for the sake of it... I'm doing this because at that very moment, whilst the earlybirds and punctualites were looking at us latecomers, I felt like a criminal. Right there and then all I could think of was, "But I haven't been late for this year at all! Plus, it wasn't exactly my fault that the bus I was scheduled to take BROKEDOWN. (This I learnt later on.)" Of course no one would know about this -- the way they looked at us was as if we were serial late comers. Thank goodness the teacher in charge then was reasonable. She let us off in the end without a record.

I forgot about this incident for awhile. Today, in the midst of doing my Math, I was told by my dear civics tutor that certain authorities had recommended that I drop an 'S' paper.

"Why? Is it because of my Math?" (It's F for fail, people.)
"Probably so."

And I wasn't furious mad, but I was disappointed, and I felt defeated - you know, like a deflated baloon. Fortunately, this dear civics tutor of mine had interceded for me. She vouched for me. At that point of time I felt genuinely touched by her actions. No teacher has ever placed her confidence in me except her. Never, ever. For this reason, I'll work even harder so as not to disappoint her. I was grateful. I thanked her - but I know she deserves more than that. 35ers, I just want to say we are a blessed class to have her as our CT. At least if anything happens, we'll know she's there to protect us.

So what's this got to do with the 'it's just not my day' phenomena? Simple. I just think that, sometimes, we don't get 2nd chances in certain aspects of life. Of course we won't admit it, but we are one unforgiving bunch. That's why we're so afraid to make mistakes. That's why people are afraid of failure -- because we have to face the unforgiving side of everyone else. Don't give me "failure is the mother of success". In this society, it's not; although they keep harping on that. And so I've decided there's no point in feeling defeated, or pathetic. I don't think I want to wait or ask for a 2nd chance when I know that there's little chance of getting it. Granted, we may get 2nd chances -- but I'll tell you that they come at extravagant prices.

Angsty, cynical? Maybe. But question if you do nod your head at the previous paragraph. If you're on the same planet as me, I think you would. And if you're wondering what's caused me to snap this time, it's not just this year alone. It's a snowballing problem.

I'm not THAT pessimistic though. Looking on the brighter side, I might as well translate this into motivation. And I won't blame anyone - it's not worth doing so because it'll only make me - and others - unhappy. Hm. I guess the AQ (Adversity Quotient) talk I attended with my class did come in handy. To some degree.

P.S.: If you're wondering why this is entitled 'the yellow ribbon project' - it's not because it's a suicide prevention project (!!!). In local context, it's about giving convicts a 2nd chance. It's a worthy cause, I feel. (No, not because of these events lah.)